Thursday, May 16, 2019
The Owyhee River Challenge Endurance Ride, as Told By the Horses
You might want to read this article on the Kentucky Derby, by the Kentucky Derby horses, here first.
May 16 2019
Phinneas: I won, I won, I won the Owyhee River Challenge 50 to add to the rest of my impressive life resumé. I always win. I even won a cattle drive once. I always win because I am badass and handsome and THE GRANDSON OF THE BLACK STALLION.
DWA Saruq: He didn't win. He actually finished 8th. I finished 7th. And he thinks he won a cattle drive??!! He did not seriously just say that?!
Phinneas: I came to the Owyhee River Challenge with my neighbors August and Saruq. August is OK. Saruq always thinks he's hot stuff because he used to be a racehorse. However, *I* am THE GRANDSON OF THE BLACK STALLION. For real. That trumps everything and everybody.
DWA Saruq: Actually, Phinneas is a *great* grandson of The Black Stallion. But who really cares.
August: I did the 25 with Carol, so I didn't have to deal with the GOTBS drama at all. I'm all about no drama, as long as my boots are on right and my hair is combed and I am presentable.
Phinneas: I am so badass, even though Merri was going to ride me on the 50, Connie got on before the start and bucked me out so that I wouldn't buck Merri off like I almost did 2 years ago at the start (I tried so hard!). I'm 21 and I can buck harder than a rodeo bronc if I want to. And sometimes, I just want to. Because I'm a badass. And, Grandson of The Black Stallion.
DWA Saruq: I just grazed while Connie and Phinneas warmed up out of his shenanigans.
Fire Mt Malabar: I am 20 and I'm the real star here, 7200 miles and 47 Best Conditions, but I like to keep a low profile.
WMA Proclaim: I'm a former racehorse too. I didn't really like to run much. Endurance is so much better. And call me Riley.
Jackpot Jackson: I'm the real story here. I'm a rescue and I haven't told anybody about my past. I like keeping it a mystery. But endurance riding is the best. And you can call me Jack.
Second Chance Fance: I'm a rescue too. And I'm so cute. And my owner Nance just retired, notice how our names rhyme, and we are going to be doing a lot more riding together!
Phinneas: We didn't get out on the trail first, because of the buck-out thing, but I took off at a roar because I was for sure going to catch those 7 or 8 horses that charged out in front of me! Merri was trying to tell me to slow down. I always know what I'm doing, and I am always right. So don't tell me what to do.
DWA Saruq: Whatever. We've got 50 miles to go, dude. Chill.
Phinneas: Here I am, roaring down the trail, pulling mightily on Merri and looking so terrifically splendid and impressively masculine with my head bowed to my chest and my mane magnificently flowing in the breeze, leading Saruq of course, and what do you know, within 3 miles we'd caught up with the front runners. They seemed to be coming back in our direction, but anyway, by golly I caught them and ended up right behind them! We passed the photographer and my trot was bigger than a World Equestrian Games dressage horse. I can't wait to see the pictures. I can't wait to see Merri's face and see if she was grinning or grimacing. She wouldn't let me canter because she was afraid I might dump her for the picture.
DWA Saruq: I cantered by the photographer on a loose rein.
Phinneas: Those front runners got out of sight again, but I knew I was going to win anyway, and I kept charging hard. We went up and down and around, and then up this long hill, through a gate, and back down the hill, then through another gate, then down and down this long 2-track dirt road that was great for trotting. I was in front of Saruq of course and having a ball, when Merri pointed out to me that there were no other horse hoof prints on our trail - I WAS WINNING!!! I told you I was going to win.
DWA Saruq: I ate a lot of good grass along the way there. Phinneas missed out.
Phinneas: The only thing that slowed me down near the bottom of this two-track was this big bad bull sauntering down the road right in front of us. I am badass, but I know better than to mess with a bull. So we walked the rest of the way down to the canal then went waaaaaaay around him and his girlfriends.
DWA Saruq: That's where some horses who'd gone off trail caught up and passed us, but I don't think Phinneas noticed, because I stuck my tongue out at him and pretended I was going to get in front of him. He didn't like that. This next stretch of uphill sandy trail was loaded with arrowleaf balsamroot. I LOVE the taste of those yellow flowers. While our riders babbled about the beauty, I just ate them as we walked along. I was thinking, Yea, they are beautiful, in my gut!
Phinneas: Since I was winning, I ate some of the yellow flowers and grass while I walked. It just added rocket fuel to my Go-Go-Go, and then I went some more!
Buddy: This was my first 50. I did my first 25 at Eagle Canyon 2 weeks ago. I was going great guns this morning with the front runners till we all missed a turn somewhere and ended up behind a bunch of horses. Then we started catching up again, and I was about to pass this big black horse and WHOA, he like had a total conniption fit, like it was such a HYUGE DEAL I was catching up to him and wanting to pass, and his rider took him off the trail for me to get by. I got out of there fast because I've never seen such a hissy fit. It might be because I am palomino and gorgeous and maybe he was jealous of me.
Phinneas: Some horse had the nerve to come up behind me and try to pass me! I almost let him have it but then I found myself off the trail and I couldn't get at him. No worries. I'd get in front of him again later.
OMR Pristine: I passed this handsome bay dude and this handsome black dude with a long flowy showy mane. I saw the black one give that golden boy a fit when he passed, but I think he was mesmerized by my seductive trot, because he just bowed his head and pulled on his rider hard, and then he tripped and almost fell down. And then he was all embarrassed because he scrambled back up and just bowed his neck and pulled harder on the reins. I pretended I did not see him trip to save his face.
DWA Saruq: And then we rode down into this red canyon to a creek, and we drank and got splashed with cool water while that photographer guy took our picture again. We ate grass but then Phinneas had a burr up his butt, something about winning, even though we hadn't even finished half the ride, so we moved on to camp for the vet check and lunch.
Phinneas: That first loop was such a piece of cake for me because I am so fit and fabulous. And Saruq was behind me the whole way!
DWA Saruq: Only because I let him. Who cares. I ate a lot of yummy food on the trail.
Fire Mt Malabar: Blusterball Phinneas did not see Naomi and I, and JAC WInterhawk and Lee, heading out on loop 2 ahead of him. Neener neener.
Phinneas: After lunch in camp, loop two turned out to be exactly the same trail as loop one. These humans must not have noticed that they had already ridden this trail. I ate more flowers though. And because it was hotter in the afternoon, this loop I stopped at all the water troughs and the canal to drink and get sponged off.
Cows: What are these same horses all doing back in our canal again?
Phinneas: Connie and Merri had the big idea to stop and take my picture in a particularly lush field of yellow flowers. It was annoying, because I needed to keep bombing down the trail in front so I could win, but, I will admit that I looked pretty magnificently stunning, so it was worth the Kodak Moment.
DWA Saruq: He did look pretty fetching, almost like a great grandson of the Black Stallion.
Phinneas: Here we were again, heading for that red canyon. We passed that golden horse that passed me earlier. Neener neener, told you I'd pass him. His rider was sick. We sent the photographer, who was again in that canyon, out to rescue her, so I was like a total hero on top of being the winner and the grandson of the Black Stallion. Then on the way out of the canyon, we passed that pretty mare, who thinks I am hot stuff. She winked at me.
DWA Saruq: It was me she winked at.
Phinneas: And before I knew it, here we were coming up the hill into camp, and everybody, horse and human, had their eyes on *This Guy* as I came across the finish line. I WON!!!!!
DWA Saruq: I finished 7th and Phinneas finished 8th. Really. But don't tell him that. He still thinks he won and it's best to keep it that way. Just get my saddle off and let me roll in the dirt. Like, now, before I roll with my saddle on.
August: I finished my 25 much earlier in the day, and spent the rest of the afternoon lounging and eating!
Fire Mt Malabar: What did I tell you? Second place, and Best Condition #48. But I didn't point that out to Phinneas.
More on the ride at: